Turning Unexpressed Love and Grief into Purpose

Running the London Marathon is something I’ve thought about since I first started running, but it was never something I truly believed I would do. I mean, what is actually fun about running 26.2 miles? In case you didn’t know, it is a very long way…

I changed my opinion when I watched the race in person for the first time. The atmosphere was incredible, complete strangers cheering for one another and so many iconic landmarks throughout the course. It was inspiring, and I finally understood why people signed up. But even then, I didn’t have the desire to join them; I felt that to run that distance in such an inspiring environment, I needed a purpose.

This year, I am running the London Marathon because I have that purpose. That purpose is my Mum.

On December 3, 2021, I lost Mum. She was a special soul whom I looked out for my entire life. Nothing prepares you for the pain of losing someone you love so dearly. The grief felt abrupt, and I was instantly hit with a feeling that I hadn’t made the most of our time together. When someone is taken from you suddenly, you are overwhelmed by the "what ifs."

I went through a range of emotions: anger, fear, and even a complex sense of relief that she was no longer suffering. I struggled to accept that she would never see me get married, or meet my son and my sister’s second son. She wouldn't get to do the things she dreamed of, like seeing the tulips in Amsterdam. I found it difficult to talk about, and I then did something I never thought I would do: I turned to therapy to help me process my feelings.

Talking therapy has been transformative for me personally. It helped me understand myself and my emotions, but it also made me realise there are meaningful ways to honour Mum’s memory. Last year, I went with my wife and son to Amsterdam to see the tulips, a trip Mum always wanted to take. I have started writing down memories of her so she never feels forgotten, and I’ve put little tributes to her throughout our house. These are simple acts, but they have been vital to helping me feel like I can still talk to her naturally and that she is still having an impact on my life.

For the majority of her life, Mum struggled with invisible battles, having been diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder. My sister and I supported her through those challenges for as long as I can remember. Because I was so focused on her health, it felt strange to admit that I needed help with my own. While my struggles weren't on the same scale as hers, I had to acknowledge that my mental health was impacting my life and that I needed to check in on myself.

During Mum’s final days, I came across an interview with Andrew Garfield on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. He spoke about his late mother in a way that stayed with me, so much so that I shared his perspective in her eulogy. He said:

"I love talking about her, by the way, so if I cry, it’s only a beautiful thing. This is all the unexpressed love, the grief that will remain with us until we pass because we never get enough time with each other... I hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love that I didn’t get to tell her, .. and I told her every day".

These words prepared me for the emotional trauma I was about to face. They helped me view grief not as a burden, but as a testament to love. Now, I have reached a new chapter in that journey: a physical challenge to match the emotional one.

I spent months debating with myself on the challenge I wanted to do to honour Mum. At one point, I mapped out my own custom triathlon: a 4km open-water swim in Lake Windermere and a 100km bike ride on day one, followed by a marathon on day two. The only problem? I can't actually ride a bike and I didn’t know how to organise it. I also looked into famous treks like the GR20 in Corsica, but the length of time you need to be away was challenging.

Ultimately, I landed on the London Marathon.

Why? Because it’s closer to home. It’s a place where friends and family can gather to celebrate afterward. It is an iconic event where I can run for the Mental Health Foundation, a charity that supports people struggling with the same mental health battles my mum faced every day.

The Foundation is the UK’s leading charity for everyone’s mental health. What drew them to me was their focus on prevention, addressing the root causes of mental ill-health before they take hold. They don't just wait for people to fall ill, they work in schools, workplaces, and communities to build the protective factors that support people from falling ill. They are the driving force behind Mental Health Awareness Week, pushing for a world where we understand our emotions as much as our physical health. By supporting them, I feel I’m helping to create a world where fewer people have to fight their battles in silence, and where more people feel empowered to ask for the help they deserve.

Coupled with this emotional attachment, the race allows me to do something I enjoy. I’ve learned that one of the best ways to remember Mum is to keep moving forward, and to make sure I’m smiling when I think of the special times we shared. (Smiling on Mile 20 might be a challenge.)

If you are able donate to my just giving page, it would be greatly appreciated. 

https://www.justgiving.com/page/skeelondonmarathon26